Quick answer
You cannot simply skip service. Alternative service generally requires a legally sufficient process and sometimes court permission.
Do now
Keep a dated record of reasonable lawful efforts to locate the spouse. Ask about the current requirements for a process server, substituted service, or a court-approved alternative. Explain if the spouse is abroad or in the military.
Watch for
Social-media delivery, email, or publication is not automatically valid just because another person used it. Defective service can undermine later orders.
Official sources
NJ Courts — Divorce, NY Courts — Divorce frequently asked questions, DC Courts — Divorce.
